The Shallow End

V is for Victory

A big reason I began blogging was to spend a little time journaling. I've never been good at doing this, but thought it was important to do and thought by having a public face, I might be pressured to keep at it a bit more. That was a faulty assumption. I'm just not disciplined about it. Lately, there has been a lot of stressful stuff going on, much of which isn't very good blog fodder, but I'm going to ramble on for a minute in hopes that it might be therapeutic...this post is really about God giving us victory when and how we least expect it.


When I first began blogging, I never could have imagined that I would be where I am today, "retired" from public accounting and raising a grandson. Yes, I was planning to retire in a year or two (and had been wanting to leave for longer than that). The goal was to rid ourselves of worldly possessions, live on a boat, work odd jobs and SLOW DOWN to enjoy life! I kept praying for a sign that I was doing the right thing...a new job offer, a boat, something, that would affirm my decision. One affirmation was finding the perfect boat, certainly, but I still had serious doubts about leaving a lucrative (by modest standards) and "prestigious" (whatever that means) profession with such a vague plan for the future. I'm a workaholic by nature, but even I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I knew that my excessive work hours had taken a toll on my relationships with family and others. The painful hours of tax season finally took their toll on me last year and ended with a Big Bang! And then...


...along came Julian. God's timing being what it is, my semi-planned early "retirement" came just in time to help take care of this little guy. I never expected to love him as much as I did and I never expected his mother (my step-daughter) to be as unprepared to parent as she was. He was the sign I had been asking for, but if anyone had told me a year ago that this is where I would be, I would have run for the hills! I mean, it's been a stressful year, don't get me wrong! I wasn't planning to start all over again raising kids. It's hard work! I wasn't planning to deal with the extreme anger and frustration that we have felt for his mother. But the love and joy that Julian has brought to this family is indescribable. In hindsight, I wouldn't wish to be on any other path right now. He definitely affirmed my decision to leave the job that had consumed more than half my life. And I am blessed that God has entrusted me with him for as long as it takes his mother to get her feet under her. We continue to pray for her every day.

A most recent victory came when I received a call from my step-daughter asking me to give her and her boyfriend a ride to a friend's home closer to us so that she could see her son more frequently. She's been living on friends' couches ever since we evicted her. We have continued to hold the line on not allowing her to live with us until she committed to getting professional treatment for her addictions. She has opted not to do that for about 6 months now, although recently she has expressed an interest in doing so in order that she might parent her son. However, her intentions have been to get custody and live with her 18-year-old boyfriend (not the bio-father) who has outstanding warrants, no job and no high school diploma, while our intentions have been to help her get her feet under her first (i.e. recovery, college education, job), at our home with our support and lose the boyfriend. Without going into details that might make for a good television drama series, that phone call last Monday resulted in the boyfriend going to jail ("for a very long time" according to the detective we spoke to...he was on the Most Wanted" list in a town nearby and had warrants in several jurisdictions, including federal felony charges). While tears were shed, our daughter admitted that she was relieved to have him out of her life for now so that she could focus on the things she needs to do. Her attitude took a 180 degree turn for the better, she applied for and got her previous job back, and a week later (this past Tuesday), I drove her to a very nice treatment facility 3 hours away and she checked herself in. I have a good feeling about it this time. I know it's only the beginning and she has a lifetime of recovery ahead of her, but as they say, you can only do it one day at a time, and I am so thankful for this huge victory!

I am no longer burdened by anger. God is good.

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Baby Spartacus

posted by Gwynne @ 10:17 AM 7 comments

How I Spent My 4th of July

Some people burned firecrackers, bottle rockets and sparklers. I burned up 9 years worth of excessive notes and useless paper from my former day job. I finally hauled home the last of the boxes that were in my old office, knowing that when I did so I would have to go through them and purge a bunch. I tried to save valuable practice aids for my own reference and sent any client pertinent notes back to the office. It was a very cathartic experience. The drawers full of overflowing papers had been bugging me for years. Out of 5 boxes, I managed to squeeze the stuff I wanted into one box (not including actual books and educational course materials which are already in the basement storeroom), and the rest went in the wheelbarrow.

As you can see, I had a cute little helper.

Happy Independence Day!

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 10:38 PM 1 comments

To Blog, or Not, That is the ?

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Baby Spartacus, Politics

posted by Gwynne @ 8:27 PM 6 comments

We Interupt This Silence...

To share a perfect illustration of irony (from the directory of my company's intracompany online website):

"Tax Comptency Inventory"

Presumably, this (the link to a list of employees) is where we can go to find people in the company who are "comptent," wherever they may be. The inventory is self-populated, by the comptent people themselves (or at least those who think of themselves as comptent), so you can imagine its usefulness.



In other news, there is a bridge being built (weak and shaky as it is) to cross the generation gap in our household:

Younger Daughter (stopping for a moment between constant channel changes on the car radio): "Oh, I love this song!"

Me: "You do?! So do I!" (the song is Landslide...don't laugh, but I love to turn up the volume on this song, especially the intro)

YD: "Yeah. *sings along for a bit* "Did you know Fleetwood Mac did this song originally?"

Me: "Um, this IS Fleetwood Mac." (one of the buttons on my radio goes straight to classic rock of the 70's and 80's and this is that station, so I'm pretty sure of my facts although I often doubt myself these days) "This IS the original version...who did you think it was?"

YD: "Sheryl Crow"

Me: "Ouch! Nobody sings it like Stevie Nicks."

And so we shared a moment of common affection for a single song before returning to the ear-splitting sounds of Urban Hip/Hop/Pop music. Gah.

I just looked up the song in Wikipedia and it mentions that Stevie may be "singing about her own life and her growth from child to young adult. When it comes time to move from home and abandon the lifeline she has known as a child, she wonders whether she can make it on her own." A very serendipitous moment indeed.

And now, we return to the regular feature...zzzzzzzzz........

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 6:04 PM 2 comments

An Update of Sorts, All Sorts

I am finally coming down from the "high" of April 15th and got a full night's sleep last night. Yesterday was a day of clean-up. I'm hoping today will be a day of recovery. And bill paying. And new glasses. And other errands, like car tag renewal (yipee, I'll be sure to post about that), that fell to the bottom of the list of priorities for the last few weeks.

The good news is:

The Bug is not dead yet...$7,000 of damage (yipes! I hit the only mailbox in the neighborhood mounted on a freakin' telephone pole, it seems), but at least it's not totaled. I'm relieved about that because I love the car and really didn't want to lose it. It was sad watching them haul it up onto the tow truck bed. My husband, bless his heart, came out to help me clean up the body (and engine) parts strewn all over the neighbor's lawn.

The Goldfish did not die. I've gone to the pet store to get supplies to change out the tank, thinking that a good cleaning is probably in order. Of course, if he survived whatever it was the other night, I'm sure to kill him by cleaning his tank. I'll be sure to preserve some of the dirty water, to mix in with the new, just in case.

The dogs did not die. Cocoa's explosive diarrhea is under control and so is Smokey's. The carpet is still pungent though. I'm calling the carpet cleaner today. But Smokey is back at the vet for an ultrasound of his liver. One of the issues noted the other day when he was in was that his liver is enlarged on one side. We're pretty sure it's not going to be good news, but we're preparing ourselves for that possibility.

And I think, for all the doubts I've had about giving up what some might think is a "good" career, God made his intentions pretty clear with the events of this tax season. I no longer have any doubts that I'm doing the right thing by leaving. I finally hit my breaking point. I still don't know what I will do when I grow up, but I feel good about my decision to leave. That's comforting.

Labels: An Accountant's Life, The Animals

posted by Gwynne @ 9:49 AM 8 comments

I Killed The Grasshopper

I really finished my last tax season with a bang…here's the bullet point version...

Worked 'til 4:00 am the night before the 15th (it's still "night" if you sleep before returning to work)

Got stuck in traffic for an extra hour (very unusual on my commute…there was an accident), so I hit the day running full speed at 9:00 am ( running on fumes).

Delivered tax returns to an aging, ailing bank president (LATE…see the last bullet point). Delivered only 1 of his 5 returns (left the others on my desk because I completely forgot about them); returned to my office and came back with the rest, embarrassed and apologetic.

Returned to the office to face 22 voice mails and over 100 emails (some were junk that got through the iron curtain, but still...)

Made many phone calls, reviewed many calculations for extension payments, made phone calls for checks, try to figure out a frustrating foreign tax credit situation for a client who was NOT happy about owing so much tax on his home that he sold for over 28million pesos, however much that is.

I was the last one to get all of my "extension checklists" turned in. The last person to get all of my client's checks turned in. The last person to receive all of the signed e-file authorization forms from my clients. And I won the prize for most "repos" (reprocessed returns due to changes after the tax return has already been copied and assembled for delivery to the client).

I was also the only one whose client check turned up missing in the whirlwind of activity that is our extension process. I called the client to find out if they had sent it in. When they said no, I was relieved that we hadn't lost it, but had to quickly come up with a solution. The solution involved my own check book. I'll get reimbursed and charge the client later, I hope!

I had trouble printing out my own extensions at the end of the day, due to user error. I don't normally do these myself, so they presented a challenge beyond words. I had to write checks for these also, but later forgot that I did that, transferred my "surplus" cash into a CD and promptly overdrew my account!

Just when I thought I was done with everything for the day, I got a phone call from Australia, the parent company of my client, wanting to talk about an acquisition of my client and all of the tax consequences therein. My brain was mush, so I asked if he could call back tomorrow (at which point I was unable to find their files).

No sooner had I hung up the phone call from Australia, my husband called to inform me that the dogs (one or both, he wasn't sure) had crapped "all over" the dining room carpet and he blamed ME (because he thought I hadn't let them out before I left for work, which I did, but no matter...when the dogs are sick, he gets scared and reacts with anger and frustration rather than say, just cleaning up the mess). This, after recovering Smokey from the Vet two days ago for his numerous maladies, including explosive diarrhea that we thought was finally under control...turns out it was Cocoa's turn...so there are now diarrhea stains all over the house…both were treated for some kind of e-coli bacterial infection with shots and pills…it's a miracle the whole family didn't become afflicted).

I finally decided to turn off all phones and email at the office around 6:00pm and joined my co-workers who were enjoying appetizers and drinks at a nearby restaurant.

There ensued much relaxing and chatting about all of the horror stories of tax seasons past and present, award presentations (I received a crown for my title, Queen of the Repos), rappers (don't ask) and general unwinding. I had a couple of drinks to "celebrate."

I left the restaurant around 10 pm for the 35 mile drive home and was absolutely exhausted. I managed to get almost all the way home, forcing my eyes open the whole way, until I just couldn't any more. I had just turned onto the gravel road that is our street and was not more than a block's distance from my home when I apparently fell asleep and careened into a steel mail box post, which sent me into a small ditch. The airbags didn't deploy, but there were body parts all over the neighbor's lawn, and fluids and engine parts dangling from the Grasshopper (my green bug). Fortunately, I was wearing my seatbelt and was unscathed (just a small bruise on my wrist). Thank God I didn't hurt anybody, or fall asleep out on the freeway, or the country highway leading to our home, which has much bigger ditches! I have praised the Lord more times than you know for that!! But my confidence has been shattered and I've learned first hand just how quickly we can go from being in control to out of control in the blink of an eye, literally. For all the nights I drove home late, I always worried that I might fall asleep at the wheel, but never felt close to doing so. Although I only had 2 drinks over the course of 4 hours, I'm sure that was the straw that broke the camel's back and I should not have driven home. Very, very scary! The funniest part (and believe me, even at the moment after I was jarred awake and found myself in a ditch, I thought this was ironic) was that my purse contents spewed out all over the floor...and my AAA card, which I normally have inside a wallet, inside a zippered compartment of my purse, was the very first thing I picked up off the floor, from the top of the pile. Amazing.

But wait, the day's not over yet! So I walked the block or so home (a very humble way to finish off tax season, I must tell you), walked into a house that reeked of dog crap (which was still all over the dining room), got ready for bed and discovered the goldfish had (almost) died. He was floating upside down, struggling to hang on, so I turned him over and held him for awhile wondering how much more of this day I could take. I finally nestled him in the grass hoping to prop him up a bit, poured in a large amount of "Stress Coat," bid him adieu, and went to bed for a very restless night of sleep.

When I woke up the next morning (very early, worried about what the neighbors would think when they looked outside to see my car on their lawn), I was afraid to go see what had happened to the goldfish. Instead, I told my husband to please dispose of him after I left. I walked down the road to pick up the body and engine parts (and the neighbor's mailbox which was about 30 feet away from its post), leave a note on the car, called the insurance company, the tow-truck and the vet.

And for all that, my day could have been so much worse. It could have been my last! I've counted my blessings a thousand times over! And speaking of worse, one of our tax managers lost her sister to cancer on the 14th. Talk about stress. She had been sitting vigil over her sister for a week knowing she only had days to live, while clients continued calling about their tax returns. So we were all reminded that at least our big deadline was not a matter of life or death although we sometimes act like it is.

Still, April 15, 2008 will go down in history as the most spectacularly bad April 15th I've ever experienced, capping off the worst tax season ever (this last week, I worked 106 hours...I've never seen so many 90+ hour weeks on the time summaries, so I was not alone). We had more new clients, less staff and we changed tax software. It was awful. And it is my last. I have no doubt now. I normally experience a surge of energy or renewal after the 15th, brought on by the sense of survival (that, and the pride of accomplishment, I suppose). But I don't feel that this year. I worried I would get that feeling and back out of my decision, only to be asked to leave instead. But I didn't experience that surge of energy, and I was asked to stay instead. But I won't be working in public accounting for much longer. I may return one day, when I decide that life as a pauper is too hard to bear, but for now, I'm done. Finished. I will work for a couple/few months to wind things down and start telling clients that I plan to go live on a boat. That day can't come soon enough.

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 1:10 PM 7 comments

Where's My Coffee?

Created by OnePlusYou

This is no joke. I didn't even have my "morning coffee" until 4:00 this afternoon. My head has been swimming (and pounding) all day. My eyes have an aversion to the light. I'm feeling overwhelmed and completely incapable of dealing with even the smallest things, like clicking a link button. Seriously, it took a minute just to figure out what I was supposed to be doing, in order to test my caffeine level. Of course, I knew this without the bloody test, but I'm procrastinating putting in my timesheets for last week. And of course, the week ain't over yet. There's still lots and lots to do before Tuesday. I need caffeine. Lots of it!

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 6:22 PM 2 comments

My Holy Week

Updated to say sorry, to anyone using a reader, for all the edits to this post... :-)

Do you know how hard it is to find a face cream that doesn't promise to do all sorts of other age-defying tricks, doesn't contain sunscreen (to which I know I am alergic) and doesn't contain mineral oil, which actually sucks the moisture out of your skin? Frankly, I don't care how old I look if I could just get rid of the itchiness, redness and swelling around my eyes. I've determined that it all started with basic dry skin, brought on by the dry air of winter and a fair dose of stress. It became an itchy mess when I began putting various age-defying potions on it to take away the dryness, and then became worse when I tried to cover up the redness with make-up, and it didn't get better with the aid of benadryl, cortisone cream or Gold Bond powder. I'm a mess as it is, getting only a few hours of sleep a night. We really don't need to accentuate it with the red splotches and puffy, flaky eyelids. Seriously. But I think I've finally found a moisturizer that will do only that, moisturize (Oil of Olay cold cream for sensitive skin) and finally the itching and splotching and puffiness are going away. Finally. I still look extremely fatigued, but it's getting better. Thanks for asking.

The rest of my Holy Week as gone thus such...

Yesterday was the highlight of my week, the day that Maxine came to get her taxes done. I love Maxine because for all of her 80 years, she looks about 95 years old but acts like a sarcastic 45 year old. She and I were both wearing colorful Spring outfits from Coldwater Creek (from last year's "collection"), so we lavished each other with compliments on our respective wonderful tastes. She doesn't smoke or drink, otherwise, I'd say she's a lot like the Maxine in the comic strip. Maxine is the only person whose taxes I do while she waits (there was one other this year, but he was an exception). That's because it takes everything out of her to come in for the drop off and it takes just an hour or so to get it done. Otherwise it would take about 3 weeks to turn it around given the back-up in our office right now, and who knows how many hours would be spent just picking it up and putting it down. This act of "kindness" on my part required that I use the dreaded new tax software. So this year it took an hour and a half. When all was completed, Maxine pulled out of her briefcase a gift for me...Fortune, a Beanie Baby, born 3/17/07 "because I work with people's fortunes, not because it will bring me good luck." In return, I unloaded a bunch of "free" paper clips and binder clips into her briefcase. She has a thing for paper clips and rubber bands, you know. I can't tell you how many times she thanked me for the paper clips. She was thrilled! Then she told me that she just loved watching me work. I asked why? First she asked if I had something wrong with my pinkie finger. I said, not that I know of, why? And she said that the whole time I worked, my pinkie finger kept jutting out, like this...


She said that arthritis has made her pinkie finger start doing this and she wondered if I had pain that made mine act up like this. No, I've never had any pain, but now she has me all sorts of conscientious. Sheesh. Thanks for the beanie baby.

So that was the highlight.

The rest of the week included having to give a last minute, very unprepared presentation about the current state of income taxes to the local estate planning society (a group of attorneys, accountants and insurance/financial advisors). Our scheduled speaker fell through at the last minute...just for comparison, last month's speaker was a nationally respected expert on retirement plan tax law. Of course, I had to stand up in front of them with all the slotchy, puffiness going on. And with the NCAA games in progress, I kept getting interupted by the "master of ceremonies" to let me know that everyone would really like to get going so as not to miss any more of the games than they already had. As president of this group, I was the one who conned him into being the M.C. of what we would call our Member Spotlight Night, so he amused himself and the rest of the group by harassing me...I don't work well under this kind of pressure...I kept losing track of what I was talking about and gave the most disjointed presentation ever. I would hate to see a playback of it, I'm not sure I said a single coherent or relevant thing. I also forgot to pass out my handout, which might have at least given them a takeaway that was better than the speech itself.

The next night, I was so productive at the office that I kept on going until about 1:00 am. I left the office and drove about 2 miles (out of the 35 total miles to my home) and my coolant level warning light came on, just about the time I hit the stretch of highway that goes through the "bad part" of town. I pulled over to the side of the highway and the light went off. Encouraged, I started up again, and the light came back on. I took the nearest exit and pulled into a lighted motel parking lot to read my car owner's manual to see what might be the cause and what would happen if I kept driving. There was not an open gas station in hollaring range, but I do possess a AAA card. Based on what I read, I figured I could keep going slowly, pulling over every mile or so to let it cool down, until I reached a truck stop where I could get some coolant (even though the manual said not to EVER, under any circumstances, use non-VW coolant which you can only get from a dealer). But when I checked the coolant level, it was fine, so I didn't add any coolant but I didn't know what else could be wrong. I waited awhile to let the engine cool, I filled up with gas, I read some more of my manual and saw that it could be the radiator fan belt fuse, or the belt itself. I looked at the fuses and none of them looked out of sorts, although I did not pluck each one out to verify. I might add that doing all of this while dressed in a baby blue suit and high heels, trying not to draw the attention of others was a daunting task in itself. Others out at this late hour, in this part of town, are not the sort you necessarily want helping you. I decided to risk blowing up the engine and continue the drive home, inch by inch, stopping until the light went out and then resuming for a bit more. I finally arrived home about 2:30 am. The next morning, I figured I could drive the other car, but when I went to get in, I noticed the left rear tire was almost flat! I summoned my husband and his air compressor to the rescue. Finally, I was back on the road to the office, arriving about 10:00 to start another day.

And that's the day when I received yet ANOTHER notice that the IRS is going to audit yet another client of mine. I've had more audits this year than in my entire 25-26 year career combined! The IRS is very actively auditing "flow-through" entities out there (S-corporations, partnerships, LLCs), just so you know. Getting that notice is never fun. Even if you've nothing to hide, it's still a big hassle!

The rest of the week was fairly routine but busy. I am very excited about celebrating Easter with my family and relaxing for a few hours.

May you and your families all enjoy a most blessed Easter!

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Family

posted by Gwynne @ 9:58 AM 4 comments

A Little Bright Spot?

For those worried about their retirement plans and other investments withering away, I just received an "insider" bulletin (i.e. "for financial professional use only, not for public distribution") which had some interesting insights. Today's dramatic and aggressive rate cut (the Fed Reserve cut the federal funds rate by 75 basis points, to 2.25%, the biggest one-time short-term rate cut since the early 1990's) offers a little encouragement. The stock market is responding favorably!

While the recent cuts won't revive the economy, the bulletin reminds us of the following:

1. The Rebate Checks are coming!
2. U.S. Exports are booming
3. Business investment spending is encouraged by the recent Stimulus package, in the form of accelerated depreciation expense
4. There are some signs of the bottom in new home building (apparently housing starts have held steady for 3 months in a row, after 2 years of steady declines)

I think the biggest question I've had is whether I should be doing anything in response to the market and if so, what?? Pulling out of the market and putting it in the mattress (as my mother suggested)? Leave it alone and don't look (my current course of action)? Use whateve cash is lying around (I just received a bonus!) and buy more stock while it's "on sale?" For those of us with many work years ahead, the answer is probably "do nothing," provided your investments are well diversified. For those looking to retire in a couple of years, the answer is not nearly so easy. The current volatility must be very discouraging indeed, for those ready to retire.

Most importantly, the reminder is not to overreact, or act suddenly on partial information. Freaking out and running for the doors is probably not the answer. That's what brought the country to its knees in the Depression. One never knows where the top or the bottom of the market will be, so to do anything requires nothing less than a crystal ball. We should not stray too far from a balanced portfolio.

I am no investment advisor, so take what I say with a grain of salt and some antacid, but the reduction in rates will mean negative real rates of return on short term CD's for those tempted to invest in cash or CDs rather than the market. The general recommendation from the experts is to remain "invested broadly in long-term assets rather than huddled in short-term accounts waiting for a brighter day."

But you didn't hear any of this from me. ;-)

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 4:54 PM 3 comments

It

In work related news...

For the record, yesterday is the day that the proverbial "it" hit the fan. So much to do. So little time. And all we seem to have for help are interns straight out of high school. I think we might be better off outsourcing our tax returns to H&R Block.

Ahem...

Back to work for me.

Go write your memoirs, or something.

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 12:42 PM 3 comments

I've Slit My Wrists

Although the gesture was mostly symbolic. I slit them (yes, both) crosswise on a file folder as I lifted up a stack of files to put in a box to carry home with me. I didn't draw much blood, but enough to warrant a little antibiotic ointment and a couple Spongebob bandages. Do you remember the story of the attorney who died from a paper cut? Yeah, well, that could be me. What a way to go. I told you this accounting stuff is dangerous.

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 10:05 AM 7 comments

Old Dogs, New Tricks (I'm Outta Here!)

I am a tax accountant. Given this, you might think that I could prepare a simple tax return. But no. We changed tax software this year (for the first time in over 10 years) and the transition has been rocky, especially for us "old dogs." I can no longer just "do it myself" when I need to make a quick change to get a tax return out the door. Not only do I no longer know the software inside out, but we also have new processes.

Now, a "quick change" goes something like this:

First I get the return for "final review." This means at least two people have had the file already, one to "prepare" the return and one to do a "technical review" to make sure errors were not made by the preparer and to help the preparer learn along the way. At a billing rate of $315 per hour, I'm not allowed to touch stuff anymore. I'm the one that talks to the client and helps solve problems and that's about it. We're supposed to let the young ones do the work ("training our successors" this is called), so I haven't been allowed to actually "prepare" returns for years now. Instead, someone new, straight out of college, usually prepares the simpler returns (although when it comes time to bill for the time it takes them to prepare "simple" returns, the agony presents itself to me in the form of "realization" goals wherein we are supposed to bill as much of our time as possible, but clearly we cannot bill for learning time...my goal is 85%...this is very difficult to achieve!). More experienced staff prepares the more difficult returns and a manager will do the "technical review." By the time it gets to me, it should be ready to go. But, if I catch something amiss (usually, this amounts to spelling errors...I figure this is often the only thing the client knows on his return and if he sees we've misspelled his name, he's going to assume the whole thing is wrong), I must use another document management program to enter my "review notes" and "route" the file back to the preparer electronically to make the change. Then, the preparer must route it back to me for final approval before I can route it to "assembly." Then, when I get it back from assembly and sign it, I must route it to my secretary for "delivery" (even if I will personally deliver the return). I am not, under any circumstances, allowed to mark the return as "complete" within this routing software, because that causes the whole system to blow up. I think any normal person can see that this whole process has become excessively tedious.

Of course, when things blow up, like when the IRS comes a knockin', I'm the one who has to take the heat. This year has been a doozie in terms of IRS audits. Fortunately, most have been resolved with fairly favorable consequences to the taxpayers, but they have not been without some serious challenges. For the love of all that is holy, SAVE your receipts people, and DO NOT MIX business with personal! Keep separate bank accounts and separate business and personal credit cards. Do NOT buy a multi-million dollar aircraft and claim that it is 100% business when you know it is not. Do NOT build a multi-million dollar home when your business, your sole source of income, is losing money. And lastly, be honest! I have zero tolerance for clients who want me to serve as the barricade between themselves and the IRS. Zero. <*/soapbox>

I think I've finally reached the pinnacle of my career, the point at which I can no longer do actual work or cope with problems like I used to. This is how I know it is time to "retire" and start something new, like basketweaving. I'd like to weave baskets. You know, make stuff. Real stuff, that people can use. As some people know, this is to be my last tax season. I'm going to try and hang on 'til the end, but it's proving to be very, very difficult.

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 12:31 AM 10 comments

10 Stress Reducers (From the AICPA Insider)

Words of wisdom, to help you all reduce the stress in your life. Sometimes, it amazes me what passes for wisdom. Other times, admittedly, we overlook the simplest things. So, without further ado, here are the 10 things you can do to destress your life:

First of all, prioritize. "We can only do one thing at a time." This was suggested by researchers at the University of Kent in Canterbury, England. It takes rocket science to figure this out? So much for multi-tasking, the nemesis of us all.

Focus on what you have accomplished..."rather than on all the things not yet done." I think this is the most important one on the list. At least in my little world, a few minutes of positive self-talk about what I've managed to get done goes a long way. It's why I always try to finish something or at least get to a good stopping point before I quit for the day.

Maintain a healthy and balanced diet. "Avoid sudden high intakes of sugar as it causes the blood sugar level to rise and then drop sharply, which can cause drowsiness; get regular exercise; drink plenty of water; and try to maintain regular bedtimes"...yada, yada, yada. Again, not exactly rocket science, but still...there are times when only an M&M fix will do.

Get comfortable. ~zzzzz~

Clear clutter. I spend so much time clearing clutter that I don't get any real work done. They say there's an inverse relationship between an organized desk and an organized mind. I believe this, because to see my desk does not give anyone insight into the clutter that fills my head.

Take regular breaks. Like blogging, for example? :-)

Be sure there’s adequate light. Aha! That was the problem. I was once in the darkness, but now I can see!

Rest your eyes. ~more zzzzzz~

Check your meds. Am I the only one who thinks this is funny?

Let go. Here, I just have to quote the article (emphasis added by me)..."If a lack of concentration is a concern, there are some techniques that may help improve it, such as one dubbed, “Be Here Now.” University experts note, “When you are thinking about not concentrating, you are not concentrating. Do not try to push any particular thought out of your mind. When you are trying not to think about something, your mind is occupied and you are not concentrating. Just let the thought go like a breeze, say to yourself, ‘be here now,’ and return to the present.” University experts said that. Just, wow. Like, that's really cosmic.

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 3:15 PM 4 comments

The Phone Survey

Today, I was interviewed by the Taxpayer Advocate Service (a division of the IRS that exists to help taxpayers resolve their problems with the IRS...this is your tax money at work...rather than fix the agency that is broken, create another agency inside of the broken agency to fix the problems of the broken one...job security).

Yesterday, I received a call at work much like the calls we get during dinner time ("supper" for those of you in the South) at home. After the introductory remarks, I said that no, I didn't have 5 minutes to take the survey. When asked if they could call back, I said "yes, tomorrow at 1:30." Why?! Why did I think that I would feel like taking a survey today at 1:30? I don't know. But a different interviewer called back...at 1:30, today. So I took the survey.

Every single question included the phrase "Taxpayer Advocate Service employee that you last spoke to," at least once. And was often followed by "not any other Taxpayer Advocate Service experiences you may have had." When I am at work, I have a particular hatred for the phone and all of its interuptive powers. And taking longer than 5 minutes to phrase each question is one reason for the hatred. But I listened and answered each of the questions. The entire "5-minute survey" took about 30 minutes.

Mostly, the questions or statements were posed and then the interviewer would tell me to answer "1 if I strongly agreed, 2 if I agreed, 3 if I neither agreed nor disagreed, 4 if I disagreed, or 5 if I strongly disagreed" (and he gave me these options after each. and. every. question.). Sometimes, I interrupted with my answer before he finished giving all of the options, hoping to speed up the process, but like a good test taker, I mostly waited for him to finish with all of my choices before picking the "correct" answer. Like he might change up the choices at any moment, without warning. Like it mattered, my answers. Like this survey will result in the IRS doing anything any differently than they have done for decades.

He concluded the survey with an open-ended question, "what would you have liked for the Taxpayer Advocate Service employee that you last spoke to to do differently?" My answer, "I would have liked her to return my phone calls more promptly" took a full 5 minutes in itself for the interviewer to type up, and he recited it back to me as he typed. I swear, he was not only typing with one finger, hunting and pecking around the keyboard, but also eating lunch at the same time. Then, he asked if there was anything else I would like to see improved. Um. No. No, thank you. I did not have that much time to expand on my already "lengthy" response.

And then, the Grand Finale question from the Taxpayer Advocate Service office was, "How was the sound quality of this phone call today? 1 if it was Very Good, 2 if it was Good, 3 if it was neither good nor bad, 4 if it was bad, or 5 if it was very bad." The sound quality? Okay, that's a joke, right? Actually, I had to hold the receiver a few inches from my ear the whole interview because it was so loud. I thought I must be on Candid Camera. But rather than perpetuate the discussion about sound quality or any of the other qualities of this interview that annoyed me, I just said "3" and hung up.

Now, I've extended the 30 minute "5-minute' Interview into a 30 minute sequel by writing all about it. But I feel better having gotten it off my chest.

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Insanity

posted by Gwynne @ 8:18 PM 2 comments

Now I've Done It

Today, I gave notice to my company that I would probably, most likely, be leaving sometime soon, like in the near future, but not right away, like if they need me to stick around and help transition clients and stuff, I can stay for awhile, but really, eventually, my husband and I are planning to relocate to the Pacific Northwest. Sometime. Soon.

That's about how my side of the conversation went anyway.

My boss, who was sitting on the other side of the lunch table from me, asked the waiter for a sharper knife.

And then he told me that if I had not read my employment agreement lately, he would be happy to get me a copy and he remembers distinctly a 3-year notification clause in it (which ties in nicely with the 3 remaining years that he is in charge of our "5-year Growth Plan.")

Well, it's a start anyway. Baby steps. You have no idea how difficult this has been (and will be) for me. Some people are addicted to alcohol or drugs. I am only just beginning to admit that I may in fact be addicted to work. But I also know that I am ready for a change. A big change. And a job at Starbucks sounds real good about now.

Update: Let the record show that it was my intention to give notice on October 16th, in a slightly more formal letter form. It has taken me 42 days to get to this point. 42. The answer to life and everything.

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Sailing

posted by Gwynne @ 5:53 PM 9 comments

"Cute?!"

Updated, based on my latest e-mail exchange, and to correct a few of my many grammar errors:

I'm fairly tolerant of the Lawyer Ego, especially the Male Lawyer Ego (apologies in advance to any male lawyers who may stumble upon this site...clearly you are the exception). Tolerant in the sense that I'm willing to let it roll off my back, rather than try to deflate the offending Ego, but it still bugs me and the temptation is always there. But really, life is too short to waste it shooting at feathers, don't you think? Eventually, they puncture themselves. Puffing feathers and performing exotic dances may be an essential part of the mating process out in the wild, but seriously, Man can get by without it in the business world (and the dating/mating process for that matter).

One of many phone calls today involved a detailed discussion with a Male Lawyer Ego about the various ways that a business owner (our mutual client) might wish to go about selling his company to a key employee. As with most discussions about this, the issues are always three-fold...how do I a) get the cash out, b) minimize my taxes, and c) minimize the headaches of getting it done (i.e. with the least amount of legal documents, title transfers and risk)?

The MLE had posed a couple of solutions and asked for my input. As it turns out, he didn't really want my input on anything except two very specific questions. I was really not invited to pose any other possible solutions. But I didn't know this until I tried. To which he responded, "well, that would be pretty cute if it works." Cute. Cute?! So I responded that "yes, it is cute. It was especially cute (my use of the word "cute" was becoming excessive and pointed) when we did this just recently for a transfer between family members where it has the advantage of benefitting the entire family unit, not just the seller." But when I asked if he would like for me to model out the cute plan with actual numbers, he said he would need to first check with the other attorney on the engagement since he is not the one to "champion" it (the idea). The Male Lawyer Ego is especially protective of their ideas and quick to take credit but if someone else has an idea, they are also quick to dismiss it. This is known as the "not created here" doctrine.

I might add that when I did answer his specific questions, he shot back an email that indicated he had no idea that I was just answering him in the affirmative, giving the green light he was looking for, and instead took exception and went off on an unnecessary tangent with cites to irrelevant code sections, copying the client on his "brilliant" response. I corrected him in private, but this is what I mean...it would have been so easy to correct him in front of the client with a "reply to all" response.

So now, I'm waiting for my call back, to see if we are interested in pursuing this cute strategy.

*sigh*

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Toil and trouble

posted by Gwynne @ 5:21 PM 7 comments

I'm Baaack!

Film at 11.

Okay, seriously, since we last met, I've been very busy, extremely busy, and by the end of my days, have been without internet or completely exhausted, hence the lack of "material" lately.

Since last week, I have...

Been to the ends of the earth and back,

Enjoyed the best birthday of my life on 07-07-07 (or one of the best anyway...the luau in Kauai for my 40th might tie for "best")...more later (and pictures!),

Visited my Mom in San Pedro where she was performing her duties as Vice President of the National Watercolor Society (an honor bestowed on her that was a long time in the making...I am very proud of her!),

Eaten baby octopi, lots of ceviche, savory crepes, ciopino, rack of lamb, tiramisu, and the Cocoa D'Arriba Mango-Chili dark chocolate bar (mmmm),

Met someone (and listened to him perform) who claimed to be Jim Morrison's son Christopher (interesting side story...I took French in high school with a guy who went on the class field trip to Paris...I could not afford to go on that trip but have gone on to live a fulfilling life nevertheless); his big dream was to visit the cemetery where Jim Morrison is allegedly buried; he had trouble finding it and by the time he did it was too late to get out of the cemetery, so he spent the night on Jim Morrison's grave...true story),

Found the sailboat of our dreams (it's the first boat we have both agreed on),

And last but not least, worked my tail off teaching students and helping clients.

And now, I must go and write another presentation.

God is good.

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Travel

posted by Gwynne @ 10:48 AM 11 comments

The Good & The Bad

Wow, what a week! I have spent a fair amount of time praying for peace this past week and a half, following The Big Screw-Up. I know some of you have been praying for me too (or crossing toes and fingers as the case may be), which is more than I deserve and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate that. On that path, things are progressing more positively than I could have expected though we still don't know what the IRS agent plans to do to me in the way of stringing me up for penalties. At least the client and my bosses and peers have been more than understanding (comments have ranged from "maybe I'll be living on a boat sooner than I thought" (that was me ;-), to "it was clearly a mistake, we all make them," to "don't beat yourself up too badly, we'll get the full deduction the following year," to "that's what malpractice insurance is for;" choke...I still don't like the sound of that). Anyway, thank you for your prayers.

Meanwhile, while I was lounging around at the El un-Del-Del, my brother emailed me to let me know that his architectural firm is on the hunt for a VP of Finance and would I be interested (he had not even seen my blog post yet, which I stupidly pointed him to, to show him how timely his question was, but inadvertently also telling him "better increase the malpractice insurance first." I would love to work in a creative environment but still be on the financial side of things (and only be responsible for one client!), so I am, um, thinking about updating the old resume and talking to them about it.

Then, we have one of my biggest IRS exams that has been underway for awhile coming to a close. I just sent in the final documentation for that today and spoke to the auditor. We are hoping for a no change on this one...we'll know for sure tomorrow so I better not jinx the outcome on that.

So, that's the Good.

Then we have the Hit 'Em While They're Down list, and I wish there were a way to put a positive spin on these things, but I received notice yesterday that a large gift tax return I signed is going to be audited, *sigh* and I received notice today that two very dear clients passed away last night. Two! In one day. I know Eric knows how this feels when you have worked closely with someone and suddenly, they are gone. Both had cancer, but both had fairly good prognosis and I had been working with them on estate planning matters to make sure their affairs were in order, etc. Thankfully, there were no items outstanding awaiting signatures or anything that I am aware of, but it saddens me to think that the outcome was not at all what we all prayed for and expected. There will be funerals to attend next week and lots of handholding for the surviving spouses.

The week has been further complicated by several companies that are selling their businesses and in need of Urgent Care.

And that's the Bad.

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Toil and trouble

posted by Gwynne @ 7:08 PM 6 comments

Am I The Last to Know?!

Today's "retreat" session included a 2 hour presentation by an economist (and not just any economist, or someone important like our new Federal Chairman, but one from Kansas City, from whence we all flew...spouses were invited to this special session). Woo-hoo! The excitement in the room was palpable as we settled into our seats to listen to what he had to say.

But in all fairness, the guy was full of good information and knows a lot about a lot of things, one of them being oil. I jotted down a few things he said (I haven't confirmed any of these, so feel free to do your own investigative journalism). I was the only one in the room taking notes. Economists are great at predicting the past and seeing things in reality and wondering if they will work in theory. Not that I have anything against them. Just sayin.

Anyway, did you know?

That the largest oil reserves in the world are in Canada? The only problem there is that the reserves are in solid form and cost more to extract, but with oil prices as high as they are and going higher, it now becomes very profitable to start extracting it.

That we have only tapped into about 10% of the known oil reserves in the world but about 60% of the easy to get to (i.e. cheap) reserves?

That 60% of the oil consumed in the U.S. comes from sources outside the Middle East? Approximately 60% comes from U.S. sources, Canada, Mexico and Venezuela.

That Canada could provide 80% of the U.S. demand for the next 100 years??

So, if Iraq is all about the oil, then why aren't we going to war in Canada instead?

Other things jotted down in my notes (in the "job search" category):

The average age of skilled machinists in this country is 63 and about 70% of them will be retiring shortly. This leaves a huge skilled labor shortage in the manufacturing industry (and we wonder why more manufacturing jobs are being outsourced to other countries).

The transportation industry is experiencing a massive shortage of truck drivers and Kansas City is the natural hub of this industry. Teamsters are commanding six-figure salaries. I think I could drive a truck, but I'm not sure about joining the Teamsters yet. This calls for a little more soul searching.

Walmart is building (or planning to build) a mile-long building for its new distribution center near Kansas City. I already know how to drive a forklift but it was a long time ago.

Labels: An Accountant's Life

posted by Gwynne @ 5:11 PM 4 comments

Ugh!

I just learned of a big work related screw-up yesterday. Even though I wasn't the one who made the mistake, I was the one responsible for catching it. Sorry I can't elaborate more (not that the story gets any better than that) but for privacy reasons, "screw-up" will just have to suffice, and "big" meaning millions of dollars. *cringe* I am trying to console myself with the words "it's only a timing difference." And I'm steering clear of sharp objects. I slept very badly last night and woke up with a stomach ache and a headache...this feels like the final knock-down punch in a boxing match. I am knocked down, deflated and depressed.

So, to console myself, I went into the Quik Trip on the drive between meetings this morning and filled up on bad coffee (with syrupy cinnamon-hazlenut "Delight") and a couple of those monster taquito things that sit on the roller thingies under a heat lamp until they turn into rocks and (AND!) a package of Hostess Donettes (coconut crumb style). And so, now, the stomach ache, it is real bad!! Ugh!!!

Labels: An Accountant's Life, Insanity, Toil and trouble

posted by Gwynne @ 2:13 PM 10 comments