Knock, Knock
Is anybody out there?
I know it's been awhile. I'm not myself lately. Life has been hard. Not as hard as it gets, by any means, but frustratingly challenging as compared to the easy life to which I've become accustomed. And while it might prove to be an interesting topic for the tabloids someday, I'm afraid I'm still so enveloped in the details that I can't muster up the strength to write about it. I'll let a few bullet points serve as a place marker for the day when I can look back and laugh. That day will come, right? Right?!
Yesterday marked my informal last day of gainful employment (yes, I realize this is a time when people are losing their long-time jobs and bemoaning the fact that they are woefully unemployed...and yet, somehow, I don't care). It's been a fast paced furious march towards the day that would really be my official last day...12/31/08 (but since I will be on vacation for the duration, yesterday was my informal "last day," and it went mostly unnoticed and uncelebrated by my co-workers, in part because there are so many loose ends that I will have to return to the office upon returning to clean things out...that, and I agreed to assist on a contract basis through 4/15 as long as I could work from home...so really? I'm not free yet). This march has involved a lot of lengthy transition conversations with clients and co-workers as well as year-end planning for my soon-to-be former clients. Along the way, I've had a number of conversations about outsourcing tax services to other CPAs as well as a few of my clients who prefer not to be "transitioned" to anyone else. And while I wasn't looking for this kind of work, the requests have offered some assurance that perhaps we won't go hungry.
November 4th marked the day we checked our daughter into outpatient drug rehab. While we were very disappointed to discover she had returned to a habit she developed before getting pregnant, we were optimistic when she acknowledged that she needed help and volunteered to seek treatment.
December 14th marked the day we committed to taking steps to obtain guardianship of our grandson when our daughter tested positive yet again for crystal meth...it has become painfully obvious that she can't work on recovery and parenting at the same time, especially when she is only partially committed to both...so we will do the parenting...and we pray that she will choose to commit to her recovery, but we're not very optimistic...this breaks our hearts, but we know she is in God's capable hands.
The vacation? Those with babies will, I think, appreciate the sheer insanity of this...we are currently en route to CA, and Seattle, starting in Kansas City...by car...with a 6 month old baby and his drug addict mother. The trip started just 5.5 hours ago. I'll update as I feel motivated, but so far, so good. I can only report that so far, the daughter and grandson have slept the entire way. The funny part is the luggage ratio. While the adults are carrying roughly 1/8 their body weight, the baby is packing roughly 10 times his...everything from clothes and blankets, diapers and formula to a crib, stroller and bathtub, and everything in between. Should we encounter a blizzard, we're all prepared to live on formula and wrapped in baby blankets for a few days.
Okay, that was a bit more than a bullet point list, but still...there's so much more...
But in all the "blah," Julian makes us smile and giggle every day. He's doing great, growing faster than a beansprout and making us happy. He's already 18 pounds and very healthy, according to his 6-month checkup last week.
Labels: Baby Spartacus, Family, Toil and trouble, Travel
New Year's Resolutions
I guess it's finally time to drag out the New Year's resolutions. I didn't make any. I never do. There, I've said it. Done.
But for good measure, I just ordered
this. The old treadmill motor died about a year ago and my weight has gone uphill ever since. So for the price of a new motor in the old one, I ordered this lesser new one, which has a 12-year motor warranty. That ought to hold me over. I mean, all I need is a place to walk uphill without actually, you know, walking up hills (in the cold snow and rain, or heat of summer). Plus, I can watch teevee while I do this and that helps take my mind off of the complete and utter misery of walking up hills. Sort of.
I've also "resolved" to be a better blogger. I'm going to try (TRY, I say) to post on a daily basis. Notice I did not say anything about quality of posts, which I recognize as an important trait in becoming a better blogger, but I'm not there yet. One step at a time. :-)
Labels: Toil and trouble
"Cute?!"
Updated, based on my latest e-mail exchange, and to correct a few of my many grammar errors:I'm fairly tolerant of the Lawyer Ego, especially the Male Lawyer Ego (apologies in advance to any male lawyers who may stumble upon this site...clearly you are the exception). Tolerant in the sense that I'm willing to let it roll off my back, rather than try to deflate the offending Ego, but it still bugs me and the temptation is always there. But really, life is too short to waste it shooting at feathers, don't you think? Eventually, they puncture themselves. Puffing feathers and performing exotic dances may be an essential part of the mating process out in the wild, but seriously, Man can get by without it in the business world (and the dating/mating process for that matter).
One of many phone calls today involved a detailed discussion with a Male Lawyer Ego about the various ways that a business owner (our mutual client) might wish to go about selling his company to a key employee. As with most discussions about this, the issues are always three-fold...how do I a) get the cash out, b) minimize my taxes, and c) minimize the headaches of getting it done (i.e. with the least amount of legal documents, title transfers and risk)?
The MLE had posed a couple of solutions and asked for my input. As it turns out, he didn't really want my input on anything except two very specific questions. I was really not invited to pose any other possible solutions. But I didn't know this until I tried. To which he responded, "well, that would be pretty cute if it works." Cute. Cute?! So I responded that "yes, it is cute. It was especially
cute (my use of the word "cute" was becoming excessive and pointed) when we did this just recently for a transfer between family members where it has the advantage of benefitting the entire family unit, not just the seller." But when I asked if he would like for me to model out the cute plan with actual numbers, he said he would need to first check with the other attorney on the engagement since he is not the one to "champion" it (the idea). The Male Lawyer Ego is especially protective of their ideas and quick to take credit but if someone else has an idea, they are also quick to dismiss it. This is known as the "not created here" doctrine.
I might add that when I did answer his specific questions, he shot back an email that indicated he had no idea that I was just answering him in the affirmative, giving the green light he was looking for, and instead took exception and went off on an unnecessary tangent with cites to irrelevant code sections, copying the client on his "brilliant" response. I corrected him in private, but this is what I mean...it would have been so easy to correct him in front of the client with a "reply to all" response.
So now, I'm waiting for my call back, to see if we are interested in pursuing this cute strategy.
*sigh*
Labels: An Accountant's Life, Toil and trouble
Updating The Old Resume
And I do mean old...take a look at what I found in the archives, in my file marked "resume." My, oh my. How far we have come in the way of word processing technology. And wow, am I really that old?! What I liked best was that I saved the press-on lettering for the next time I needed to do a cut and paste job like this one, last updated circa 1994. And do note the extensive use of Liquid Paper and tape (click to enlarge the photo), along with the dot matrix printer used to print out the body of text.
And then there's the fact that I kept the "Time Table" in the file so that I may never forget how utterly arduous was the task of completing college in four years (which turned into nine years, thank you very much...more orange, less blue, as the years wore on...note to self: don't comingle work, school and family like this again). And then of course, there's the illustrious work history that I shall be sure to include on my updated resume:
Dairy Queen counter worker...I can still impress my friends and family with the swirly on my ice cream at those all-you-can-eat buffets...it's just like riding a bicycle.
Fish Shanty fry cook...this was a very stressful job...when people are hungry and on holiday, they can be downright rude and obnoxious...and I learned that a large vat of grease has a very short shelf life...the fresher the grease, the fresher the fish...but restaurant owners like to stretch out the life of grease as long as possible and there are companies whose sole job it is to collect and recycle old grease...ick.
Oh, and by the way, that is no longer my address so don't be sending money there. :-)
Labels: Toil and trouble
The Good & The Bad
Wow, what a week! I have spent a fair amount of time praying for peace this past week and a half, following
The Big Screw-Up. I know some of you have been praying for me too (or crossing toes and fingers as the case may be), which is more than I deserve and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate that. On that path, things are progressing more positively than I could have expected though we still don't know what the IRS agent plans to do to me in the way of stringing me up for penalties. At least the client and my bosses and peers have been more than understanding (comments have ranged from "maybe I'll be living on a boat sooner than I thought" (that was me ;-), to "it was clearly a mistake, we all make them," to "don't beat yourself up too badly, we'll get the full deduction the following year," to "that's what malpractice insurance is for;" choke...I still don't like the sound of that). Anyway, thank you for your prayers.
Meanwhile, while I was lounging around at the
El un-Del-Del, my brother emailed me to let me know that his architectural firm is on the hunt for a VP of Finance and would I be interested (he had not even seen my blog post yet, which I stupidly pointed him to, to show him how timely his question was, but inadvertently also telling him "better increase the malpractice insurance first." I would love to work in a creative environment but still be on the financial side of things (and only be responsible for
one client!), so I am, um,
thinking about updating the old resume and talking to them about it.
Then, we have one of my biggest IRS exams that has been underway for awhile coming to a close. I just sent in the final documentation for that today and spoke to the auditor. We are hoping for a no change on this one...we'll know for sure tomorrow so I better not jinx the outcome on that.
So, that's the Good.
Then we have the Hit 'Em While They're Down list, and I wish there were a way to put a positive spin on these things, but I received notice yesterday that a large gift tax return I signed is going to be audited, *sigh* and I received notice today that two very dear clients passed away last night. Two! In one day. I know
Eric knows how this feels when you have worked closely with someone and suddenly, they are gone. Both had cancer, but both had fairly good prognosis and I had been working with them on estate planning matters to make sure their affairs were in order, etc. Thankfully, there were no items outstanding awaiting signatures or anything that I am aware of, but it saddens me to think that the outcome was not at all what we all prayed for and expected. There will be funerals to attend next week and lots of handholding for the surviving spouses.
The week has been further complicated by several companies that are selling their businesses and in need of Urgent Care.
And that's the Bad.
Labels: An Accountant's Life, Toil and trouble
I'm Not Dead Yet
For those who have expressed concern (and those who are concerned but haven't expressed it...which is most of the world population, certainly /*end sarcasm), I'm not dead yet. Actually, I haven't even faced my "accuser" yet, so the punishment remains unknown at this juncture, which is harder than actually knowing, I think. I think. Maybe. Oy!
Instead (and I know this is going to sound positively incongruous), I'm off to San Diego for a 4 day romp in the sun, staying at the world famous
Hotel del Coronado. This all sounds very fun and everything until you understand that I'm going alone (i.e. without my husband) and I will be surrounded by all of my partners (and
their spouses, mine just can't get away), for our annual "retreat." Our retreat is usually conducted at someone's home here in town, but this year we are celebrating a year of good conduct (I know, I KNOW! *hanging head in shame*) by going off someplace more exotic. How can I possibly enjoy this, without my husband, and with all of my partners who will want to talk about business and stuff (and me, wondering if I'll even have a job when I get back)? How?!?
Labels: Toil and trouble
Ugh!
I just learned of a big work related screw-up yesterday. Even though I wasn't the one who made the mistake, I was the one responsible for catching it. Sorry I can't elaborate more (not that the story gets any better than that) but for privacy reasons, "screw-up" will just have to suffice, and "big" meaning millions of dollars. *cringe* I am trying to console myself with the words "it's only a timing difference." And I'm steering clear of sharp objects. I slept very badly last night and woke up with a stomach ache and a headache...this feels like the final knock-down punch in a boxing match. I am knocked down, deflated and depressed.
So, to console myself, I went into the Quik Trip on the drive between meetings this morning and filled up on bad coffee (with syrupy cinnamon-hazlenut "Delight") and a couple of those monster taquito things that sit on the roller thingies under a heat lamp until they turn into rocks and (AND!) a package of Hostess Donettes (coconut crumb style). And so, now, the stomach ache, it is real bad!! Ugh!!!
Labels: An Accountant's Life, Insanity, Toil and trouble
Project Whenever (My Husband's Briefcase)
Last weekend, MBH and I discussed the marital concept of unity, how all of our money should go into one bucket, instead of the multiple buckets we have always maintained...right now, there's "my bucket," (for music and jewelry acquisitions...oh please, we're not talking diamonds, people) "your bucket" (for the sailboat acquisition) and "our bucket" (for food, clothing, pets and shelter). Every married couple does this to some extent, right? Well, try as we might, we don't seem to be able to break this habit, so we talked about needing just "one bucket." So today, he brings home "his" paycheck in this bucket (the bucket was empty except for the check). It made me laugh. After I finished doing his bookkeeping, I loaded up his bucket with all of his stuff...bank deposit, payroll checks for his employees, pad of paper, notebook and envelope with outstanding bids and contracts). Who needs a briefcase? This suits him just fine. He was very pleased.
One bucket. We're working on it. :-)
My Husband's Briefcase Labels: Project 52 (Weekly Random Photos of Life), Toil and trouble
Strange Things People Put on Their Job Applications
Not that I'm looking, you understand.
This just in via the daily email from
strangecosmos.com. Things found on actual job applications (just a select few, with my half cent in italics):
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
Needs meds and a dose of integrity.PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."
Don't ask.PERSONAL INTERESTS:
"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."
The last job sounds like it pert near drained him!REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
These generally go hand in hand.Labels: Toil and trouble
This Was Bound To Happen
Stupid
M&Ms. I knew they would cause trouble. Today, I received an email from the IT Director at our corporate office in Cleveland, telling me that I have (finally?) risen to the top of the abusers of company bandwidth, based on their daily audit of such things. 5,000 users on our network and I get singled out for an email warning. Pfft. I don't stream audio or video files on the company's network (most, like YouTube and iTunes, are off limits anyway...I couldn't get to those if I wanted to), but apparently some sites, like Blogger (and M&M downloads), consume large amounts of bandwidth behind the scenes. Actually, I think the M&Ms were the first thing I knowingly downloaded on the company server.
M&Ms are going to be the death of me yet. So, while I don't use company
time for my blogging (I only charge time that I'm working on client or administrative stuff, like BILLING), I don't want to be stealing bandwidth either. From now on, I will be scarce during the day when I don't have access to my personal laptop. :-(
Labels: Toil and trouble
Hey, I Have Something Important To Say!
Ahem.
I forgot what it was. 8-}
Have you ever been in a meeting where you felt not a single word you said mattered? No one is listening to you? You offer up a solution to a problem and the discussion about how to solve the problem just goes on indefinitely? You know your solution will work, but nobody can hear you? You have experience with what they are talking about, but nobody cares?
These are the days you go to bed at night and wonder why God placed you in that place at that time. What in the world were you supposed to be doing?? I can only assume that I was supposed to be learning
something by listening to
them, but honestly? All I learned was that it's important to be a good listener, i.e. what it feels like not to be listened
to (and I know that ends with a preposition, but I'm not sure what to do about it). And honestly? Okay, honestly, maybe I'm not always a good listener. But I try.
In today's meeting (not for work but for a charitable board I sit on...I'm actually the Treasurer and the issues we were discussing involved money, the taking in of money, the counting of money, the internal control related to money, something about which I'm supposed to be knowledgeable and for which I'm supposed to be responsible), here are some things I thought about doing (but would never actually do in real life) to get their attention:
1) Get up and walk out, slamming the door and leaving a trail of ditritus in my wake (you know, like stuff that might fall out of my purse, girl things and such)
2) Throw my pencil across the room and scream "Hey, I have something important to say!" (I actually had a client throw a pencil across the room once...nobody got hurt, but that was not a very pleasant moment)
3) Push myself away from the table, close my notebook and refuse to talk even if a question was posed directly to me, maybe pull the New Testament out of my purse (amongst a group who does not read the NT) and start reading, completely disengaging myself mentally but not physically
4) Pull out my cell phone and start talking loudly to a friend, pretending to place bets on horse races, making shsshing noises and motioning with my finger for them to wait for me, to indicate this is a very important call I need to make but I'll be just a minute.
5) Pull out my laptop and start blogging, laughing at the incredibly witty things you all have to say that are way more fun than what I had to listen to in there.
There, I'm glad I got that off my chest. I'm sorry you had to see all that. 8-}
Meetings. *sigh*
Labels: The Absurd, Toil and trouble
I Might Be A Redneck
Okay, so here's the weekend report I've been promising since the weekend itself. You do realize that I don't expect
anyone to be sitting around waiting for me, right? The very thought that I might have any "readers" at all makes me laugh. That said, I do appreciate those of you who return again and again...you are precious in my eyes. :-)
Anyhoo. I've got a post to write. Here goes...
I'm inclined to start at the
end of the race, such as it was. Wow! What a finish! I've never seen anything like it. Gas? Who needs it? This race was won on fumes...no, it was actually won by
coasting the last half lap. The fumes were gone, the engines vapor locked. 2nd place went to the next car to coast in 17 seconds later. 3rd? Same.
Jimmie Johnson ("our" favorite...I'm just following my husband's lead on this), who had been steadily increasing his lead for nearly
60 laps without a caution flag,
knew he would run out of gas if he didn't make a pit stop. He stopped for a splash of fuel with 5 laps left to go and...ahem, got a
speeding ticket on pit row (it's NASCAR, people...speeding happens...are you kidding me?!). And then, he too ran out of gas on the last lap. The penalty resulted in a
14th place finish after all of his hard work and narrow misses. Good grief! This was a huge disappointment for my husband who so badly wanted to see Jimmie win. Jimmie was driving so much better than anybody else on the track all day, plus he's a
good guy (unlike the ultimate winner, the hot-headed Tony Stewart). There was mass confusion at the end of the race. Nobody (except those with track scanners) knew what was going on or who won the race. There was no gas left for the customary burning rubber spin around the track. The winner had to be
pushed into the winner's circle. The whole thing was about as anti-climatic as it gets. The weird part about all of this to me was that others in the crowd didn't seem nearly as visibly disturbed by it all as I was. I was flabbergasted that a race of this magnitude could end with all of the top contenders coasting across the finish line. It all came down to pit stop strategy. Pfftt. Apparently, this is not uncommon? I don't know. Maybe it's not even about the race. More on that in a minute.
In the beginning, it was exciting.
It started with a fly-by of 3 F-18 Hornets. Am I the only one who immediately gets tears in my eyes when these incredible planes fly by? Really. I don't know what it is, but it's very emotional for me. And then there was the invocation, in Jesus' name no less, before a 100,000 or so people. Nice. And then, I will admit to getting sucked into the thrill of the battle cry, "GENTLEMEN! START. YOUR. ENGINES!" And then the incredible roar of the engines, as the green flag was dropped. But really, after that, there was one caution flag after another and it seemed like we would never see lap #267. Jimmie was having a difficult time making any progress with all of the "bunching" (a term I learned from Jen; bunching ruins The Amazing Race, imho). Essentially, the field was levelled every other lap. This went on for about the first 100 or so laps. Bunching ruins NASCAR. None of the crashes were spectacular, just irritating. It was at this point where I wondered how many days it would take to finish the race. It was at this point that I thought about getting out my book. But I didn't. I played along. I was a good sport, I think. I didn't cry when I went to sit down and my seat was up, sending me to the ground (we had to stand up every time a caution lap ended, to watch the race start over again...there was more standing up and sitting down than at a Catholic mass). I didn't cry when I climbed over the seats to get back to my own without stepping on people and the seat flipped up causing a severe toe injury (in case you are wondering, one should not wear Birkenstocks to a NASCAR race either). I didn't cry when the temperatures rose to record October highs, causing near heat stroke when combined with the concrete bowl effect. I did not even cry about Jimmie losing, although I wanted to for my husband's sake...poor guy.
So, if it's not about the race, then what? I believe it's all about the marketing. Let me just say...what a racket! I have never seen such an unapologetic, aggressive marketing racket in my life. It starts on the way in, bumper to bumper traffic and tailgaters flying flags as far as the eye can see. It's like a festival of numbers, each driver a spokesman for a Fortune 500 company and identified by his number. There is no end to the flags and tents and people. Before entering the stadium, we were accosted by vendors hawking t-shirts, hats, trinkets and wampum.
Shameless Plug for Jimmie
Once inside, we were faced with a choice of dying of heat stroke or paying $3.00 per bottle for water. We spent $27 on water alone (you can't bring in your own). The highlight of the day was the Fried Bologna sandwich...mmm...but combine sodium laced bologna with 90 degree heat and my ankles were pretty swollen by the end of the day. I heard, but have not verified, that the concessions (including product sales) bring in more money than the ticket sales. I don't doubt that. I am now the proud owner of a pink camouflage Jimmie Johnson hat, #48. I could have bought the exact same hat with the #38 on it instead, for $20 less. I must be a Redneck. ;-)
After the race, we took our hosts out to dinner to thank them for inviting us. When we got home, we were exhausted from the heat and the sunburns and went straight to bed.
Whew.
Where was I?
Oh yes, this honkytonk bar on Saturday night, to see The Original Low Riders, a derivative of this band. I will admit that I didn't know what I was going to hear, but as soon as I heard them play, I recognized many of their songs (Cisco Kid, the Low Rider song...think Cheech and Chong) and enjoyed them a lot. I enjoyed the place nearly as much as the music. The Knucklehead Saloon defines "funky kitsch." It is a dive bar to beat all dive bars, located practically on the train tracks in one of the worst parts of town and it is built out of found parts (travel trailers, garage doors, outhouses, corrugated sheet metal, asbestos tiles, old cabooses, etc.) It is populated by a most eclectic mix of people, running the gamut from local residents who meander around the perimeter not wanting to pay to get in, to the governor of Kansas, to the rich white ladies of Johnson County, KS who normally wouldn't be caught dead on the Missouri side of the state line, especially in a place like this. But the place comes alive at night and the music keeps everyone coming back for more. The best part is that the trains run by about every 15-20 minutes and blow their horns mid-song. There was something very surreal about the whole experience (and I was stone cold sober ;-).
Which leads me to the last part of my post, which was the first part of my weekend. Getting high. And I mean, really high. Eight stories high. On scaffolding. Here's a picture.
Yet Another Flattering Self-Portrait
Look at the reflection in the window and you can see a nearby 4-story building below us. At first, I agreed to help my husband because he gave his employee the day off and really needed to finish just "one small part." He said all he needed from me was an extra set of hands. Little did I know that the extra set of hands needed to join him on the scaffold in order to push the button that makes it go up and down. Without me, he would have had to push one side, then walk down the plank and push the button on other side...needless to say, this increases the risk factor of working on scaffolding considerably. We arrived on site and I looked up at the dangling scaffold (which rocked side to side like a small boat on the ocean...it was anything but stable).
Impending Doom
I followed MBH up to the roof where he checked all of the cables and clamps to ensure our safety and then went back down to the ground. Once on the scaffold, every body twitch resulted in movement of the plank on which we were standing. I grabbed the railing for dear life, anchored myself with that hook you see (the image that keeps coming back is of me dangling from that there hook in the event the cables fail) and pushed the button to begin our ascent. I did not look back and I did not look down. I just held on for dear life and pushed the button in concert with my husband, trying not to get out of sink causing a severe list to one side or the other. Once we arrived at the top story, I got to work painting and took my mind off of the fact that we were just minutes away from becoming easy prey for the evening news, dangling in mid-air by those hooks, waiting for the fire department to arrive. In the end, we managed to paint eight stories worth of window frames and my husband was very pleased with my work. He said I'm ready to become a righteous painter. Maybe now I can give up my accounting gig. ;-)
And while all of the above was going on, two tons of work sat in my briefcase at home and not a lick of it got done. We have another big deadline fast approaching on 10/15 and I am ill prepared to take it on.
But that's the weekend wrap-up, finally. Any questions?
Labels: Music, NASCAR, Toil and trouble
