Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Strange Things People Put on Their Job Applications

Not that I'm looking, you understand.

This just in via the daily email from Things found on actual job applications (just a select few, with my half cent in italics):


"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." Needs meds and a dose of integrity.


"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep." Don't ask.


"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far." The last job sounds like it pert near drained him!


"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches." These generally go hand in hand.



At 6:58 AM, April 05, 2007, Blogger beth said...

Hmmmm...I like the last one as it's certainly something I've encountered (though I tend to go with the tried and true "looking for a job that offers me more changes to learn new skills" and leave off the whole broken promises and lies issue.) :)

At 7:54 AM, April 05, 2007, Blogger DarkoV said...

I'm buds with our HR Mgr (operating under the Casey Stengel principle of "Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer") and she shared some of her stories regarding the (not very deep) pool of applicants.
1) HR: Why would you think you have the necessary skills for our General Accountant position?
He: As a carpenter, I'm very careful with measurements. You know, the "measure twice, cut once" methodology. I think that's the most important thing in accounting. I'll pick up the other details quickly.

2) HR: This position requires you to stand by a machine for 8 hours. Would you be able to handle that?
(Note: OUr company is that rare American breed. We manufacture our stuff completely in the US of A)
He: Well, I'm a Seventh Day Adventist, so I don;t have any problem with standing that long. But my faith prohibits me from being next to a machine by myself. Can I have an assistant?

3) HR: This assembly position requires a second nature familiarity with a ruler as there's a lot of measurement involved. Do you know how to use a ruler?
She: Oh yeah, I'm fine with the straight ruler. BUt those ones with the numbers on the top? Not too good with those; I know how to use a calcualtor, though!

NB: Our plant turnover runs at an annual rate of over 30%, 60% being the rate for folks hired within 30 days. Our days as an American Mfr. are numbered...

At 8:23 AM, April 05, 2007, Anonymous The County Clerk said...

Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

Yes... it is time to move on.

At 11:12 AM, April 05, 2007, Blogger Gwynne said...

Beth, heh. :-) I seem to remember your mention of cockroaches. ;-)

We're one step closer to knowing what Darko does for a living. ;-)

Those HR stories are priceless.

At 2:09 PM, April 05, 2007, Blogger DarkoV said... more from the HR heap.
A long-term employee died recently. He'd been out on short term disability for the 3 months prior to his death, so we were paying him 60% of his regular pay. His spouse, a bit salty in her speech, came in 2 weeks after his passing away asking for his &*%*%& weekly paycheck. Wehn informed that the s/t disability pay stops when he's dead, cracks wise with, "Well, that'll &*^*(*& teach me to &*&*^*&^ tell you he *&%#$ died. If I kept my %^$#^$ mouth shut and kept him on the ^%&^& sofa, I'd still be getting his $#$#% checks!"

Every day is witness that the seperation between man and animal is tenuous at best.

...and no, I don't work in HR; I couldn't keep my mouth shut long before I'd be spouting off my thoughts to the employees inquiring of assistance.

At 8:12 AM, April 06, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

You can't get blood from a turnip, but this guy's like a sieve.

Good stuff.

At 2:41 PM, April 06, 2007, Blogger Gwynne said...

Darko, obviously, that woman loved her husband very much. *rolling eyes* I would not last long in HR either, I'm afraid. And no, I didn't think you were in HR. But now we know (or at least think we know) that you work (doing what, we still don't know, only that it's top secret) for an American manufacturer (that makes what, we don't know). ;-)


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