Saturday, March 24, 2007

Insanity - Revisited, or Near-Death (by Chihuahua)

Yesterday, I was bitten by Paco, a black and white chihuahua (this will no doubt please Jimmy to no end). I've never been bitten by a dog before. This just threw fuel on the already burning train wreck in my soul. Paco and I had never met before. I was trespassing on his territory while visiting a new client to pick up some tax information. I don't normally make house calls but I was in the neighborhood (having just visited another client where a "numeric colonoscopy" was in progress...thanks, Darko), and this guy complained about the long drive to my office so I thought I'd save him the trip, good citizen that I am. After an excruciating hour and a half of going through every bloody detail of the year's transactions, in a notebook containing all transactions since 1981, on a desk covered in a thousand post-it notes and pens and pencils lined up like military soldiers,

Quick side story about the pencils...

While this 70-something, recently widowed, obsessive-compulsive, gentleman was explaining the minutia of his financial transactions, he stopped for a minute to find just the right pencil, "where's my damn Eversharp?" were his exact words. When he found it, he carefully added a decimal to a number on one of his ledger papers (a paper that honestly, I will not use or refer to at all in the preparation of his tax returns, and the decimal was at the end of the number to show that there were no cents). I was literally wondering if it was possible to faint from boredom (we conducted our entire meeting standing up, by the way).

<*/end side story>

...I leaned over to pet Paco and he snarled and snapped my finger clean off. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but my shriek surely made Mr. B believe that is what happened. Mostly, he just bruised my fragile state of being. Stupid chihuahua.

Oh, but I almost forgot the real reason for this post. Insanity. Revisited. One year ago today, I was in a similar foggy state when I decided to start blogging. Because, you know, I didn't have enough to do and decided this would be a good way to kill time, or relieve stress, or something. Clearly a sign that I was deranged. But I shant let the day go unmarked. It's my ONE YEAR BLOGIVERSARY!! Whew. Sure glad I didn't miss that.

Speaking of anniversaries, and in answer to one of Darko's questions, this is my Silver Anniversary as far as "tax seasons" go. This will be my 25th year. And in answer to his other question, I think I've had my fill, thank you. I'm ready to do something else. Here are my options:

  1. Work in a factory assembling auto parts or stuffing envelopes
  2. Work as a greeter at Walmart
  3. Sell fresh flowers from a cart on a street corner
  4. Set up a woodturning/silversmithing studio with my Dad and become a jeweler
  5. Take painting lessons and become an artist
  6. Work in my husband's commercial painting business (although I might be more of a liability than an asset)
  7. Go to work for a private company in search of the elusive 40-hour work week
  8. Sell everything, buy a sailboat and an RV and live out the rest of my life as a gypsy

And finally, Darko also asks, do I know who is the Patron Saint of Accountants? Why yes. Yes, I do. But I do not have a signed picture of Saint Matthew in my office anywhere. Or a garden gnome for that matter. Which is probably at the root of my problems.

Oh, and Darko, bookkeeping is too accounting. It is the most fundamental part of accounting, and yet, it is one of the reasons I've been so frustrated lately, because so many of the problems I've had to help with internally were basic bookkeeping problems that should not have been so problematic for a bunch of accountants. Sheesh.

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At 7:09 AM, March 24, 2007, Anonymous jennifer said...

Happy Blogiversary!!!

At 9:01 AM, March 24, 2007, Blogger beth said...

Has it only been a year? (And that's meant in a good way!) Happy Blogiversary!

And yes, those TacoBell dogs can be evil. :)

At 9:03 AM, March 24, 2007, Anonymous Brian said...

Happy anniversary!

Oh, and sorry to hear about your finger... Stupid little canids...

Now let me focus on the side story...

That pencil story is awesome. I will become that man someday. I have dreams of how ornery and particular I will be as an old man.

I once saw video of an old man with a cane crossing a New York street. He stopped to beat on the hood of a taxi with his cane for some slight. (Real or imagined? who cares!) I *so* want to do that. I think you can get away with it after age 75. Not so much in your thirties...

I'll add the pencil obsession to my list of goals.

At 4:56 PM, March 24, 2007, Blogger Rachel said...

Happy Blogiversary! If feels like I've known you forever so like Beth I'm left thinking - It's only been a year?!? (Also in a good way :P).

Knew I didn't like "those" dogs for a reason!

At 6:08 PM, March 24, 2007, Blogger Gwynne said...

Thank you, Jennifer! Didn't want such a celebratory occasion to go unnoticed. ;-)

Thank you, too, Beth and Rachel, I think. 8-} I do seem to have that effect on people (in a soul-sucking, draining way ;-). Yes, it's "only" been a year. But I was reading and commenting long before that.

Brian, so funny that you say that. As I was standing there trying to listen, I was mostly praying that when I get to be that age, I have less desire to control things like that and more desire (and ability) to relax and have fun. I hope to spend my time doing something more like, like, oh I don't know, knitting or something. ;-) I would love to see your list of goals though, for entertainment sake.

At 7:16 PM, March 24, 2007, Anonymous Jim said...

Happy Anniversary. Glad you started, and glad you're still going. Please take care of those fingers so you can keep typing posts.

At 10:17 PM, March 24, 2007, Blogger Gwynne said...

Thanks, Jim. I'm holding you partially responsible for getting me into this, you know. ;-)

At 10:39 PM, March 24, 2007, Blogger Eric said...

One year? Seriously? Wow. Time does fly. And you're really good at this, you know. Hope it's still fun for you, cause it's good for the rest of us for you to be doing this!

And I think Brian's overlooking the fact that he's about 7 feet tall and weighs more than an F-150 pickup, and he really doesn't have to wait until he's 75 to beat on the hood of a taxi and get away with it.

Say, maybe you could talk him into visiting some of your clients with you someday.

At 7:24 AM, March 25, 2007, Blogger sgazzetti said...

Happy anniversary! If you're really in need of a change, maybe you should give up bookkeeping and take up beekeeping. Wouldn't be that drastic a change on your business cards.

At 9:29 AM, March 25, 2007, Blogger Stephen said...

Yeah, congrats on the blogiversary!

At 7:21 PM, March 25, 2007, Blogger Gwynne said...

Eric, you're too kind. And you too are responsible for getting me into this, you know. But yes, it is still fun. Lord knows there is no other reason to be carrying on like this. ;-)

Brian, when will you be out this way? I could use a pesky, ornery sort on some of my client visits. ;-)

Sgazzetti, I have actually helped someone do that before, and in some ways it is just like bookkeeping (in addition to almost being the same word)...both require blowing smoke once in awhile. But my business cards don't say "bookkeeping" on them. They say "Will work for food and shelter and a trip to Europe once in awhile." ;-)

Thanks, Stephen! Hey, how 'bout that Jimmie Johnson victory last weekend, eh? *running for cover* ;-) Not so fortunate today though.

At 8:08 PM, March 26, 2007, Anonymous Brian said...

You and sgazetti could co-invent beekooping. That sounds like fun.


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