The Ghost of April Fool's Past
Happy Belated April Fool's Day!I have now successfully broken Rules #1,2,3,6 and 7, and I'm about to break Rule #9, proving that indeed, rules are for sissies. I didn't even turn on my computer yesterday, let alone post. That's because I was busy doing other things. Goes without saying, right? You would hope.
So yesterday was spent chopping down trees, scaling tall buildings, and setting the yard on fire. Let me explain.
My beloved husband (MBH), bless his heart, is a pyromaniac. Every year about this time, much like the lovely people of Madagascar who have turned their beautiful country into an island of red dirt, my husband sets fire to our yard. He starts with the ditch that stretches the length of our property and the area around our septic "lagoon" (a real estate euphemism if ever there was one). Beyond that, fire has a mind of its own. We called the local volunteer fire department to put them on alert. It's just us, we told them. Don't bother responding to reports of a fire unless we call you back. We'll handle it. Indeed. We had our hands full, but managed to keep it all under control.
While the yard was burning all around us, we decided to chop down a couple trees that died over the winter. Because this is a good time to fell fire wood, onto the burning lawn. These were poplar trees, only about a foot in diameter but very tall. MBH has some tree trimming experience and assured me everything would be okay. I quickly surveyed the surroundings to see where we'd like to have the trees fall, given our druthers. The first one followed the directions perfectly, crashing loudly to the ground, but causing no damage except to the grass. The second one, not so much. The angle of the cut was all wrong. As the tree fell, it took out half of our favorite Red Bud tree (the one that survived a lightening strike a couple years ago...leave it to Man to screw up what nature was unsuccessful in destroying), and narrowly missed our horse (no, that's not a typo, the house was never in danger). But dang! I love Red Buds.
As for scaling tall buildings, MBH is a painting contractor and needed some help taking down a small scaffold from a tall building downtown where he's been working for a few weeks. And since I have nothing better to do these days (for those who like statistics, our firm does about 1,300 tax returns; to date, about 400 of these have gone out the door which leaves just 900 yet to get out in the next 15 days; I'm not whining, really, I'm not), I agreed to help him take it down. It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed the outdoor time and some quality time with my husband.
The rest of the day was spent reviewing tax returns. As I worked, MBH watched TeeVee and I overheard the most startling story on Animal Planet. I have never been enamored with cockroaches. I've always known that they will be the last living things on earth and that they carry diseases, etc., but I had no idea just how extreme are their survival skills. First, did you know that cockroaches have a second brain in their rear??? Which explains, I think, the next astonishing fact, which is that they can live up to one full month without their head?!! They can also endure up to 200 times the amount of radiation we can endure, which is just what the world needs, radioactive cockroaches! Holy smokes!! This is why I was quite happy to live without cable TeeVee in our house for so many years. Some things we're just better off NOT knowing.
posted by Gwynne @ 1:46 PM
13 Comments:
I hope you got my email since I changed addresses on you! I do have to tell you that I'd rather have not heard that about cockroaches though hehe. I admire that you can work with numbers - Me I'd run screaming. Maths is not my strong suite!
I hope you got my email
I did, thanks! Hopefully, you'll receive my comment over at your blog this time. I'm glad your weekend was so fruitful and that the Baptism went well!
So, if the roaches can live for a month without their head, what is it at the end of the month that kills 'em?
Seems like if you can make it past the initial trauma, you'd be set.
Oh, and I am envious of your pyromaniac husband.
Around here, I'm pretty sure any fire I'd start would, at best, be put out and, at worst, land me in a bit of trouble with the sheriff.
And we had such a nice pile of dead brush out there today!
what is it at the end of the month that kills 'em?
Good question. I'm guessing the second brain in the rear may be more like a generator than a self-sustaining system and so it eventually runs out of, dare I say it, gas?
See now, there are so many fun and fascinating places to go with the whole cockroach-butt-brain thing...but I think I will just simply say that I now understand the problems at my office - I am working, not with monkeys as previously I supposed, but with cockroaches who have lost their heads and are doing all their thinking with the posterior brain.
Yep. It's all clear now.
Anyone else get the mental image of Gwynne, Beavis & Butthead running around their yard going "Fire. Fire. Heheheh." ? Must just be me.
You guys and gals make me laugh! Even though if we tried to burn anything other than bacon, we'd be strung up by whatever body part the local law enforcement folks could get a rope around - we still be under da "Burn Ban" in wild West Texas...
My twisted mind went straight from Gwynne, Beavis & Butthead running around the yard to a cartoon of Beavis and Butthead helping Gwynne finalize some poor soul's taxes....Gak!
Starvation. That's what kills them at the end of a month. :)
I am laughing at your all's comments but at the same time recognize the grave danger that burning out in drought stricken West Texas would pose. Again, I should preface my post with, DO NOT try this at home! Here in the Midwest, we are blessed with lots of rain and green grass. It's one thing I love about living here.
Beth, I agree...there are so many places we could go with that. 8-) When I heard it, I immediately started laughing. I pity you though, working with cockroaches. ;-)
Eric, I should have consulted with you on blog titles. That's a good one. ;-)
Mis Nomer is right...without a mouth, the poor thing will eventually starve (its source of fuel cut off)...always the smart one, Mis Nomer is. ;-)
See now, I had totally forgotten the whole cockroach thing and was trying to figure out how starvation killed Accountants. And why it was at the end of the month.
Oy. I need a nap.
And why it was at the end of the month.
As opposed to say, the 15th of the month? ;-)
Of course. No mouth. Thanks, mis_nomer.
But a *month* without food! Man, them suckers is tough.
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