The Shallow End

An Example of Grace

I should have live blogged this on Sunday night, but I was so busy minding my own business (shameless self-promotion link) that all I could do was eavesdrop. I was sitting at a table in Starbucks, uploading photos and checking in on your blogs, including all video links (this link being one of the most riveting clips I've seen in a long time ;-). It stinks not having a high-speed connection at home and no, the free air time at Starbucks has not begun yet, but I was too lazy to pick up and go elsewhere by the time I realized this.

Anyway, the point of this post is that a cute young 20-year old college co-ed walked in with her text books. She ordered hot tea and sat down in one of the big cushy chairs near me. As she started studying, a paunchy, gravelly voiced, slovenly dressed, almost elderly man approached to sit in the big cushy chair next to her (I would later learn that he is only 62 which isn't elderly, but he was not a well cared for 62-year-old). I have to say that I pre-judged both of these people. I fully expected the "old" man to sit down, pick up a paper and generally mind his own business. I expected the 20-year old to steer clear of any engagement in conversation with the old man.

Instead, the old man pulled out his i-Phone (I know!) and started a conversation with her, starting out with "do you watch basketball?" "No, not really." Okay, fine, I thought. Conversation over, as he appeared to turn on his i-phone and watch basketball (at least that's what he implied he was doing). But no...

It continued...

Next ensued a long string of probing questions, starting out with "so, what do you do?" And when she responded with "...work, school and church activities..." he probed further..."where do you live?" (answer) "Where do you work?" (answer) "Where do you go to school?" (answer) Maybe it's my family's involvement in law enforcement, or too much Court TV, but I kept wanting to blurt out something to stop her from answering these questions ("don't answer that question! He might hunt you down and kill you!") And lastly, the one that led to an awkward exchange of their respective religious beliefs "where do you go to church?" (answer) She was raised in a charismatic, conservative, Bible based Christian environment and was homeschooled, while he has read the New Testament 8 times but doesn't attend church because the Bible says he doesn't have to, worships in his home, has some Christian friends, and finds the Bible uplifting...to which she kindly responded that it's one's relationship with God, not the Bible, that uplifts...it was like he was spewing out information intended to "prove" that he too was a Christian. From here, the conversation devolved. And while she was clearly trying to study, he kept on with the questions, and she never once said "enough already." She did mention a couple of times that she needed to get back to studying for her test tomorrow, to which he quieted for about 5 minutes before resuming again. I'm working from memory here, but the gist went as follows:

Him: Do you have a boyfriend?
Her: No, not right now.
Him: Why not?
Her: Maybe someday, but right now I'm busy with work and school.
Him: You're such a cute young petite thing. You should have a boyfriend.
Her: Thank you, that's a very nice thing to say.
Him: How old are you? Do you want to have kids? What are your beliefs on marriage? What will you do when you're done with school? Do you want to get married? And then back to the questions about her church...what church? what do they believe? yada, yada, yada
Her: (answer, answer, answer...every answer carefully worded so as to answer his questions honestly and without taking offense, engaging him in a real conversation about her beliefs, none of which he was really interested in and the conversation returned again to questions about relationships between men and women)
Him: This is the highlight of my weekend, talking to such a cute young petite 20-year old. You are so beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?
Her: That would be very nice. Thank you. (at which point, he went up to the counter and bribed the cute young barrista out of a cup of tea, for free)

Rather than shut him down with one word answers and returning to her textbooks at the very beginning, the way I would expect most co-eds would, with an attitude that she was too good to be bothered with an old man whose appearance was now starting to border on Predator, she completely engaged his conversation, accepted his compliments, praised him for the positive things that he said, ignored the creepy comments and even returned the favor of asking questions of him. Several times I wanted to jump in to rescue her from the now creepy old guy, but because she was handling herself so well, I let it play out.

By the end of the evening (and she did stay all evening rather than packing up early like I would have done, to retreat to a quiet spot), she had done little studying. As she packed up her bag, I fully expected him to trail her out and follow her home. I looked up at her as she walked past and whispered, "that was very gracious of you." She just smiled. Then I kept an eye on him to make sure nothing untoward happened. Contrary to my expectations, he did not trail her out but instead moved to a different table, closer to the barrista and started chatting it up with her. She too was very tolerant even though she was trying to work.

I wish I had it on tape. I know it doesn't play out on "screen" the way it did in real life, but I was truly wowed. It was very refreshing to see a young adult so wise and patient and mature. Maybe the world isn't in such a state of decay afterall. I would love to meet her parents.

Labels: Parenting, Starbucks, Theology

posted by Gwynne @ 8:05 AM 8 comments

Carne Asada and The Fiancé

The Fiancé (nice Stetson!)

The Engaged

Here is what we now know about the engagement that we did not know before yesterday...

They are "planning" to get married on Valentine's Day (less than a month away) and have not yet reserved the church (Me: "Are you planning to get married in a church or at the courthouse?" Daughter: "At a church. At your church. I'm not getting married in a courthouse!" Me: "Oh? Have you talked to anyone at the church yet?" Her: "No" *exasperated sigh*). When asked if they had their marriage license yet, she acted like that was the first she'd heard of such a thing (Her: "Who has to do that?" Me: "Well, you do, honey." Her: "Both of us?!" Me: "Yes. Maybe you should pick up a bridal magazine or something") And so the conversation went. No dress, no flowers, no music, no cake, no reception hall, no food, no ring for the groom (apparently, her ring has been purchased and is being sized...girl knows what's important, I guess). Granted, all of this stuff can be bought on a moment's notice if you're not too picky, so I guess there's an outside chance that a wedding will take place on Valentine's Day, but I have my doubts. It sounded as if they were in love with the idea of a wedding on Valentine's Day, but hadn't actually thought through any of the details yet. I hated to ask (not that this stopped me) the important questions, like, do you really love this guy and think he's the one you are meant to spend the rest of your life with???

Nevertheless, we could tell that they are very much in love and he seemed like a very nice and loving and supportive man. He seemed serious about wanting to take care of her and provide for her. Of all the boyfriends she has had, we both agreed that he was one of the few we actually liked (he's one of the few that doesn't dress like a gangster, which might have a lot to do with our willingness to be open minded about the prospect of giving her away). But still...she's only 19 (or will be very shortly). She's barely an adult and not yet finished with her education. So we have some serious concerns, but then it's really not in our hands, I guess. We are trusting God to guide them.

Labels: Family and friends, Parenting

posted by Gwynne @ 12:32 AM 4 comments

Your Dream Car?

Rachel has posted our dream cars (if you're a commenter over at her place go check it out). And if you're not but still want to know what your dream car is, you'll have to ask her, because I couldn't find a magic link for this scientific study.

This reminds me of a cute "From the Mouths of Babes" story. Rachel absolutely nailed the car of my youthful dreams. One of my parents' friends drove one of those 12-cylinder Jaguars that looks like...well, the front end is very long and it's the definitive British sports car and I thought it was very cool. I've outgrown my affinity for anything that is overtly showy. Ask my family and they will tell you that I am the ultimate bore when it comes to "bling."

So once upon a time, we pulled into our local historic downtown square to go to our favorite ice cream parlor. We had to navigate our way through a Corvette car show to get to the ice cream. As we were trying to find parking, I let out a comment that would come back to bite me (as comments made in the company of children are wont to do). "Look at all these Corvettes. I don't like Corvettes very much. They're so phallic," said I, the wise one. Not surprisingly, the next question was "what does phallic mean?" "Um, well, it's like a man's private part; you see how the shape of the front of the Corvettes looks like that? Men who drive Corvettes are just showing off," I said, without any evidence whatsoever to back up this claim (and to any of my readers who happen to drive a Corvette, I apologize, but really, what are you thinking?!) And there was silence in the back seat of the car for a minute. We parked the car and started walking through the street full of cars. The cars and their owners were in full preening mode, feathers up. We were bumping shoulders with their owners when the youngest daughter (the one with the very loud made-for-theatre voice) asked, "WHAT WAS THAT WORD AGAIN? WAS IT PHALLIC OR PHALLIS?"

Groan. Another lesson learned on the front lines of parenting. 8-}

Labels: Parenting, The Absurd

posted by Gwynne @ 9:35 PM 5 comments

Happy 18th Birthday!

Our daughter turns 18 today. Finally! She has been telling us "I'm almost 18" for about 3 and a half years now, usually in protest when we ask that she tell us where she's going and when she'll be home. This was usually followed by "When I turn 18, I'm moving out!" Last night, at 11:35, she said (again), "I'm almost 18!" And I replied, "Yes, have you packed your bags?" To which she laughed. Laughed, I tell you! I reminded her that we still want to know where she's going and when she'll be home as long as she lives with us, and that the only thing that really changes at 18 is that now we can kick her out. Sheesh. Parents. Can't live with 'em. Can't live without 'em. It's rough growing up. Parenting is also hard. And it's hard to let them go. Even harder to watch them make mistakes and know that they have to experience that part of growing up too. We would covet any and all prayers you are willing to send in our general direction. :-)

Happy Birthday, Sweetie (may I still call you that?)!

Labels: Family, Parenting

posted by Gwynne @ 10:59 AM 3 comments